Madhattergirl56

ivvyela:

nothing on this god’s green earth can convince me that peter parker doesn’t have an ao3 account where he is elbows deep in a ‘rise of skywalker’ fix-it fic. like, fully invested in it, been writing it pre-spider bite with ned, who is just as enthusiastic about it. but the thing is, it’s really hard to do updates when you are literally spider-man.

every three months he’ll post and in the author’s note there’s some shit like “sorry this took a while, i got shot seven times :/” or “i know it’s been a minute, i literally got hit by a bus and then stabbed in the leg, but i’m all good!” or sometimes ned would log in and post with a note “hey i’m a friend posting on the author’s behalf, they’re healing from severe hypothermia but promised an update, so here it is!”

and the fic just gets increasingly more popular for the author notes alone. a good handful of the comments are something along the lines of “i’m not even in the star wars fandom, i’m just here to see if the author is good” or “every update i cheer for another day the author gets to live at this point”

and any reader who is a native new yorker kind of pieces together that holy shit the author might be spider-man because the timeline adds up, and they just fully embrace it. spider-man will stop a robbery and the guy behind the counter will ask when the next chapter will be up. spider-man returns a stolen backpack to a girl and she’ll tell him that he “really got poe’s voice down so well, it’s really impressive.”

ned thinks it is hilarious. mj finds out about the fic from twitter, to peter’s absolute horror, and changes peter’s contact name to “friendly neighborhood ao3 author”. but the worst thing to happen is after an avengers battle where peter took a pretty big hit and ends up in med-bay. and during a press conference, when someone asks how spider-man is healing, tony just drops “spidey won’t be down for too long. the star wars fic will be updated within the week, probably.”

ao3 goes down for two days.

dilucs-kitty:

This came to me in a dream.

I call him Batnoman.

robs-your-robins:

Each Bat gets one call to Alfred for help that comes with an absolute understanding that 1) there will be no questions 2) Bruce or the others will not find out 3) Alfred will not judge 4) they never discuss it.

Alfred has seen some shit.

Taking Steph to a private hair salon after hours because she tried to give herself a mullet and accidentally buzzed off half her hair. Collecting Cass on a shady street but she’s dressed as a garden gnome with a fake beard and a fishing pole. Picking up Bruce from the Iceberg Lounge in nothing but body paint and underwear with a dollar bill in his waistband and a serious, sober expression - he left for Wayne Enterprises at 6am that morning and this is 5am the following morning. Helping Duke mop the ceiling after he used Damian’s NutriBullet without securing the lid before the kid gets home. Tim handcuffed to Kon with Bat’s own kyptonite laced titanium cuffs. Pulling an arrow out of Jason’s left buttock while Roy makes very awkward smalltalk. Driving to the nearest wildlife reserve to return the bear cub that “followed” Damian home. Acting as the getaway driver for Dick as he’s chased across Gotham Academy’s grounds by a hoard of faculty, clutching a stack of files - he graduated 5 years ago.

Alfred has not yet returned the favour. Every Bat lives in fear of the day their phone rings and Alfred calls in a favour.

robs-your-robins:

Gothamites narrating Batman, the Robins and Allies like a nature documentary prt II

Batman: *gathering a Robin under his cape*

Fake Attenborough: Sensing danger, the father Bat has chosen to conceal his young under his much darker plumage.

Joker: *cackling in the distance*

Fake Attenborough: The Bat will himself look as large as possible to scare off the threat to his young. If that will not scare off the predator, he will charge.

robs-your-robins:

Dick’s apartment in Bludhaven is his, it not the Manor but it’s just enough room for himself - and Haley, of course. It is where he can be Dick Grayson, not Nightwing, not son of the Bat, not leader of the Titans, just plain old Dick Grayson and Haley’s favourite guy in the world. However, there is a fifty percent chance of Dick getting home and finding one of his siblings there. I’m not talking bleeding out or near death or anything. Just showing up, unannounced.

Damian sitting on the sofa in full Robin gear with Haley eating treats out of his hand, having come to volunteer to be his partner again since Dick was a superior Batman in his eyes anyway and that “Father has heartlessly decided to refuse him another dog” so now he’s living here.

Jason in civilian clothes, boots up on the armrest, Haley shredding some toy he brought along for her, complaining that all Dick has in the entire apartment to eat is some cans of dog food, a half pint of milk (which he drank) and three boxes of cereal. Dick who just sighs, opens his takeout menu drawer and tells Jason to order whatever.

Cass crashing on the couch because the Manor is too noisy and she just wants a vacation away from it to read the book that Barbara found her in the library. Dick just leaves her to it, only asking whether she wants something to eat or some tea.

Steph appearing on the fire escape, opening the window, swinging a leg in through the frame, just starting with ‘You won’t believe what I fucking saw/overheard today,’ and Dick after he’s recovered from the shock of the sudden appearance, immediately gets drawn in to a night of gossip sessions.

Tim will let himself through the front door with a key he had cut, greets Haley, goes to the fridge, complains that Dick isn’t taking care of himself and then go into a full on rant about the Titans or the Bats or whatever team is annoying him in that moment.

batsandbirdbrains:

Also actually I want a fic where the JL had a bring your kid(s) to work day, but no one expects Batman to participate. Or. Even have children to bring to the Watchtower.

And let’s age everyone down and tighten the age gaps for funsies. Dick is 16 and Nightwing, Jason is 14 and Red Hood, Tim is 13 and Red Robin, and Damian is 10 and Robin.

Dick has still founded the Titans and his friends are all around his age like normal, same with Tim and Young Justice. It’s just that their respective teams have no idea that they’re connected to Batman. They know all the Robins are brothers, but they don’t really know where they come from.

So you have basically all the hero community on the Watchtower for this silly bring your kid to work day thing that’s really just an excuse to bring everyone together.

And suddenly that batclan appears. And they’re arguing. Which it isn’t unusual to see the Robins bickering, but what is unusual is to see Batman leading the pack looking so exhausted.

“Will you please stop arguing about this?” Batman asks, sounding so defeated.

“He stole my favorite jacket!” Dick screeches, pointing at Jason who’s crossing his arms and jutting his chin in the air. “He stole it and he got a HOLE IN IT so you need to PUNISH HIM!”

“Fine. You’re grounded. Now stop stealing your brother’s clothes.”

“That’s so unfair!” Jason argues.

“Stop touching me!”

“I’m not touching you!”

“Stop it! Stop it!”

“I’m not touching you!!!”

Bruce sighs, stopping, Damian and Tim both running into him because they were distracted by their bickering.

“Stop pestering your brother,” he tells Damian.

“I WASNT TOUCHING HIM!”

“Nightwing,” Bruce all but begs, “please take your brother…anywhere else.”

“Come on, baby bat,” Dick says easily, holding Damian under his arms and dragging him towards where he sees Wally and Roy, “you can finally meet my friends!”

“Unhand me!” Damian whines, but he doesn’t fight Dick too much. He actually sort of has a smile poorly hidden on his face, especially when Dick introduces him as his favorite baby brother.

And watching Batman be a tired dad to this hoard of unruly child vigilantes is how the entire hero community finds out Batman is the dad of all the Robins. And suddenly everything they know about the robins makes so much sense.

cadhla182:

I like the idea of Wonder Woman having a secret identity. Here’s mild mannered seven foot tall hobbyist bodybuilder Diana Prince at her office job. Nobody suspects.

nightlong-coffee:

wow people liked the robin doodles I posted yesterday, so enjoy some of the batgirls <3

heist-family-content:

Jason: Stop calling me baby. I am twenty years old. I have dragged murderers from the back of my motorcycle. My scarred hands smell like gunpowder. I hate you and I will never be soft again.

Bruce: Yes, of course, I understand.

Bruce, deadpan introducing Jason to literally anyone: This is my baby boy. My sweet little darling. My silly goose. Bambini. Small one. Duckling. Spider monkey. Pumpkin. Itty bitty.

Jason, deadpan, every time: Yes, hi, that’s me, I’m itty bitty.